Some Lawyer Jokes

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? A: Cut the rope. Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water. Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"? A: There was an empty seat on the bus. Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? A: Never enough. Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor? A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print. Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche? A: With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside! Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A: A lobotomy. (Friends don't let friends become lawyers). Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A: One's a bottom-dwelling scum sucker and the other's just a fish. Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. Q: What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common? A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being. Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances. Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? A: In the cemetery.

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